- Prayer Changes Things - 

This is an almost famous phrase.  It's been put on refrigerator magnets, greeting cards, bumper stickers, wall hangings ... it can be found everywhere.  

 
But, true confession, ... I'm not sure I understand the phrase or the intent of its origin.

... Sometimes, I struggle with prayer.  I grew up thinking that praying for someone or something would make a difference and that my prayers were always heard and acknowledged.  Truly, I have felt that there have been prayers that have been answered ...

... But the older I get, the more doubt I admittedly have at times.  I have prayed strongly and fervently for several things ... usually, to me, some of the Really BIG Things ... and I have felt that those prayers must never have even made it to the gates of heaven, let alone the throne room of God Himself.   As a believer, this has been difficult because I DO KNOW, without a doubt, that the LORD God is Mighty and Merciful and He has done AMAZING things in and through my life.  But I've learned enough ... experienced enough ... seen enough ... to know that no matter how hard I pray some people don't get better; people still die; some situations don't turn around; some people never admit the need of the Savior, Jesus Christ.  So to think that whether or not I pray makes a difference in the outcome of a situation is sometimes absurd to me ... especially if I affirm my belief that God has ordained all things since the beginning of time.  He knows the beginning and the end and everything in between and sometimes it just frustrates me to pray for something when I think "God already knows how it's going to turn out."   

So, ... at times, I wonder, how is it that Prayer Changes Things?  This is something I've been grappling with the last couple weeks with the ups and downs we've experienced with Rees and the healing he has and hasn't had.  There have been so much prayer ... we've been praying ... of course, we've been praying.  And so many of YOU have been praying.  While I haven't been able to see quick and obvious healing that I know that many of us have been praying for, I do know that Rees' situation, though frustrating and exhausting, could be so much worse.  You've been praying ... and Rees has stayed infection-free so far ... as of today, though he continues to drain some fluid, it appears that the fluid is no longer continuing to build up under the skin ... you've been praying ... SO MANY OF YOU ... you've commented with prayers on this blog, you've sent us your prayers via email and in Facebook comments ... many of you have prayed God's Word ... and I KNOW that those prayers will not go unheard because I TRUST that there is power in the Word of GOD and He says His Word will not return to Him void.  Your prayers have really carried me, truly they have ... every comment, every prayer, every gift of God's Word, ... visits and messages and phone calls ... and it is always good to know that someone else is praying, especially when I get to the point that I do not know how to pray further.

I've been quiet the last few days.  It's because I have been discouraged and I needed a rest.  This process with Rees has taken far more strength than I anticipated and there have been a few moments that my own efforts failed me in gaining more strength.  After coming home from the hospital with Rees on Thursday evening only for him to swell up AGAIN with large amounts of fluid and then to drain for two days straight ... well, to be honest, all I really wanted to do was throw myself on the floor and have a fit of kicking, screaming and sobbing.  Go ahead!  Imagine it?  I am N-O-T exaggerating.  That first day that we met the boys ... do any of you remember?  I think back to the intense fit of grief that both boys, but especially Jonah, exhibited.  He was so upset because the changes that were taking place were out of his control.  That's how I have felt ... nothing is within my control and no matter what I do, I can't force the situation to be something that I can control.    

I'm sure that the attacks from Satan have also taken some of the strength I've tried to maintain.  And, friends, some of this might make you laugh ... go ahead and get a good laugh ... it's okay; I won't be upset.  I wasn't going to post about these incidents because I didn't want to give (him) any screen time ... BUT ... you all probably could have told me sooner than I had to admit to myself that he's prowling about trying to "snowball" our situation so that 'every little thing' amplifies into something bigger than it really is.  

So, here's just a couple of examples of how the evil one has tried to mess with me lately.  After Rees' first surgery and we were finally able to go home from the hospital, I was so excited and relieved to be able to sleep in my own bed.  No matter how nice the hospital is, those fold-out beds just do not suffice and I really struggle for good sleep at the hospital, which is next to impossible due to nursing staff coming in and out, machines beeping and pulsating, worrying that Rees might need something ... I'm sure you get the picture ... like I said, I was anxious to sleep in my own bed.  That first morning after coming home from the hospital, while it was still very early and very dark, I was woken by one of my dogs who sleeps in our bedroom.  (He's old and feeble and when he has to go out, he has to go out ... or else ...)  I fumbled through the darkness and let him outside.  When I let him back in, he dawdled around the dining room sniffing and drinking water and making me impatient ... so I just left him out there and shuffled my way back to bed to sleep some more.  At this point, though it is VERY early, Brian is already gone to work.  It was sometime after 6:00am when I was YANKED out of my slumber to the penetrating yelping and screaming of my very old, small and feeble, toothless shih tzu and the barking and growling of our youngest but largest dog, Jax, who is a shiba inu.  He is 5-1/2 times the size of our old Ernie.  Okay, so I got up out of my bed so quickly upon hearing this noise, immediately knowing what must be happening (Ernie wanted back in the bedroom and Jax was guarding the door) and I fell out of bed.  In doing so, I hit my arm on my dresser (OUCH!).  Then as I attempted to grab my bedroom door, I reached for it but slipped and fell, yet again.  Somewhere between me actually getting my bedroom door open while screaming at my dogs and cursing Jax for being a bully and then hitting Jax as hard as I could with my fist ... I felt the most intense, warm and tingly pain ever.  It shot through my thumb, pain and then numbness.  The dogs, of course, stopped with Ernie fleeing and yelping at the same time.  As I tried to go to him to see if he was okay, I got dizzy and nauseous and even started to black-out as my whole body got really cold and then I began to sweat profusely.  It wasn't pretty, folks, ... lots of swelling with purple, blue  and yellow coloring the base of my hand and top of my thumb.  

After this third surgery and coming home on Thursday evening, again, I was so happy to be home to sleep in my own bed and do you know what happened??  No, I was not YANKED out of a deep sleep by my dogs fighting!  Whew!  No, not that.  I apologize, though ... this does require a story.  A couple weeks ago, on the day that Rees had a follow-up appointment and Jonah had his jaw-distraction consultation appointment, I took the boys out to lunch and did a little shopping during the time between the two appointments.  I decided to look for some little things to give to the children for Valentine's Day and while we were at one particular store, I found something that I thought would be really nice to go with what I picked out for dear husband too.  

Have any of you tried this beverage??  I thought it would be something "right up Brian's alley" ... something he would really like to try.  It's a Kombucha called Cherry Chia.  It caught my eye because Brian likes Cherry and Chia ... seeds that is.  This glass bottled beverage was full of chia seeds, a ton of them just swimming around in this cherry colored concoction.  

I had my plastic bag full of items for the family sitting on my dresser.  I will also clarify that the items were double-bagged and knotted to prevent any peekers or curiosity cats.  Well, on Friday morning, again at a very early hour when it was still pitch black, I was literally BLASTED awake by the instantaneous popping noise and slap of cold, textured liquid all over my face, head, hair ... pillow, blanket, headboard, wall behind our bed ... okay, it went everywhere, even clear to the wall on the opposite side of the bedroom!!  Now, as I am telling you this, you already know what it was that blasted me ... BUT ... in the groggy blackness of the early morning, all I did was panic and cry out.  Brian was just as baffled and stumbled for the light and tried to figure out what had shot us.  It wasn't until he found the bottle cap on his side of the bed that he investigated the bag on my dresser.  The bottle of juice was on its side and the cap and contents of the bottle had been launched straight through both plastic bags.  This is not a joke!  Stuff like this really happens!  When Brian showed me the bottle that he found ... I just stood there dumbfounded ... and then said, "Ohhh ... uhm ... Happy Valentines Day?"  He actually suggested taking a photo of me so that I could share it with all of you ... I had to respectfully decline.  

Silly as it may seem, the evil forces are messing with my sleep.  When I don't sleep well, my body aches.  When my body aches, I'm crabby.  When I'm crabby ... well, you get the picture.  

We're all trying to hang in there.  Like I said, Rees has been draining for the last two days.  We've had to keep "gauze moustaches" affixed to his face, changing them multiple times a day.  The swelling seems to be almost all gone and the blistering seems a bit better.  The incision is still being held together by the stitches that were re-done at the time of the second surgery on February 3rd.  We are thankful those stitches are there!  Molly and Brynn have been good helpers (when Satan isn't working them against us) and in those moments, we are also very thankful.  

Rees has another follow-up appointment tomorrow.  I think they may want to remove the staples on his head.  I don't know if they will remove the stitches, especially where the fluid has been draining because it makes the incision moist and more susceptible to opening up.  We will update again after the appointment.  We will also update with some photos that we took as we tried our best to celebrate the boys' birthdays and Chinese New Year.  

Your continued prayers are so appreciated ... very much needed ... as we said, they carry us through when we are at our low points and keep us motivated during the high points.  Though I don't always know exactly what the prayer is accomplishing I do believe that it is not in vain.  I do not understand everything.  I have my struggles and sometimes, as I was told this morning in church, it's good to share the struggles too.  Thank-you so much for sticking with us!