He knows it's coming ... and he's nervous ...

He takes his hand and covers his mouth and nose (mimicking the anesthesia mask) and then rubs his eyes and says "Jonah cry."

The first time I saw this photo, I thought it was so beautiful.  I remember seeing it on the Love Without Boundaries blog and being so touched by the compassion of Dr. Clinch, the anesthesiologist, from Jonah's first surgery back in April 2015.  

I know I wasn't the only one.  On the Facebook page there were literally hundreds of comments and prayers posted for this little boy known as "Billy" and thankful words to Dr. Clinch who did her best to calm and comfort him.  I know that it calmed and comforted me to know that he was being cared for so tenderly.  I learned that she sang to Jonah to help him be calm ... she sang "Winnie the Pooh" as she said she did for her daughters when they were young.  

I just assumed that what Jonah felt was "calm and comfort" too because of the sincerity of Dr. Clinch's actions.  But today, for the first time, I realized that was not the case.  

I made a casual comment this afternoon about "when Jonah and Mama are in the hospital" and all of a sudden Jonah became very quiet and stone-faced.  His eyes began welling with tears.  I took him in my arms and sat down with him asking what was wrong while having a hunch what it was.  

I asked him if we should talk about his upcoming surgery and his reply was "no."  Then he said, "Jonah, no surgery."  I got out his scrapbook that I made him documenting his surgery last year and he didn't want to look at it.  I showed him the page with the photo of Dr. Clinch holding him and I said, "Do you remember her?  Wasn't she so nice to you?"  And he should his head and said, "No nice; Jonah cry."

And then he began to cry hard ... really, really hard.

It took quite a long time to calm him down.  He was quite the sobbing mess.

When he finally calmed down, we told him that we should talk about the surgery so he will know what's going to happen.   

Jonah pointed to himself in the group of photos from the 2015 Love Without Boundaries Cleft Exchange.

We talked about how his mouth was different before his first surgery.

And then as he pointed to the picture of him with the bandages on his face, we talked about how it became a bit easier for him to keep food in his mouth afterwards.

Even though he had been scared and it may have hurt a bit, the surgery helped him and this one would be the same. 

Even Rees got in on the conversation (as if to share "experience") ...

Just as we told Rees over and over, we told Jonah that we would be right there with him and we would hold his hand and take care of him.

Rees came to depend on this ... each surgery, each procedure, each uncomfortable moment, ... prior to and during ... he would reach for us and say,  "mama, baba, hold Rees-y hand."

Jonah is feeling much better now but your prayers for his anxiousness and fear are greatly appreciated.  His surgery is scheduled for Wednesday and he will be hospitalized for a couple days at least.  As always, we will update as we can and we look forward to sharing the next phase of Jonah's transformation with you.