Choices

A lot of people have been asking how the boys are doing ... if Rees is doing better ... expressing their concern ... cringing at what our little guys have been through.  The concern and the encouragement has been wonderful and comforting and strengthening ... thank-you for the prayers and the support!

  

It is such a blessing to us!!

Recently, one of the conversations really got me thinking ... it went a little something like this:

            "So, he's doing better?"

                              "Oh, yes, ... it's like he's a completely different kid!"

            "That's great!  So, that's over ...whew! ...and now you're done." (stating and questioning at the same time)

                               "Oh, ... no, we are not done.  There will be more of this fun and excitement ...  (trying to keep it positive and light) ...both boys have quite a bit yet to endure, medically speaking." 

              "What?  Really?!  Oh well, ... YOU CHOSE THIS!"

Yep!  I suppose I did ... 

You know, each of us makes choices everyday.  Our lives are built on choice after choice that we make.  Every moment of every day involves a choice.  

Am I going to acknowledge my buzzing alarm and get up to spend time with God and His Word OR am I going to hit the snooze button and sink back under the covers?

                  OR    

Should I wear the black dress pants and the gray sweater OR should I wear the hot pink cocktail dress?  (I don't actually have a hot pink cocktail dress, but that sure would be a fun choice!)

                                OR          

What will we make for dinner tonight ... easy macaroni and cheese OR steak and lobster? (yea, ... that would be sweet if the latter was in my list of choices!).

                       

 OR      

When my children disobey, am I going to freak out in anger OR am I going to see it as a teachable moment? (honestly, I've done both!)

                        OR          

When someone says something to me that offends me or hurts my feelings, do I retaliate with a harsh defense OR do I calmly and respectfully stand my ground OR do I stay silent and simply walk away?  

CHOICES.  They are embedded into the very essence of our existence.  

We can make our own plans, but the LORD gives the right answer. 

- Proverbs 16:1 nlt

Eleven years ago, when we finally made the decision to adopt a child, we almost didn't choose Molly.  But God knew that the choices and the plans that we make are imperfect and He revealed to us that Molly was His Choice.  I've said it before ... and I'll say it again ... I cannot imagine what our life would be like if we had said no.  

Often when we make choices, we base them on what we think or know of a particular situation or plan at that time.  But in reality, none of us knows how things WILL turn out.  We can only look back and see how things DID turn out.  And many times, the difference between what we thought or expected turns out to be far greater than we could have imagined.  I know this first hand.  And let me tell you, ... when our choice matches HIS CHOICE, ... amazing and wonderful things happen!!

Soooo ....

While I didn't choose to adopt a child with a persistent and invasive tumor.
And I sure didn't choose to go through eleven surgeries in thirteen months.
And I also didn't choose for my child to have multiple complications so that he would miss a lot of school and I would miss a lot of work ...

... I did chose to be a mama to a child who didn't have one, ... to be a part of a family for a child that desperately needed one.  Yes, I chose to adopt a child with medical needs.  You know something?  I could have just as easily given birth to a child with special needs like one of my adopted children ... just like the women who actually DID give birth to them.  Those women didn't plan to give birth to a child with a physical defect but when they did, they had a choice to make ...

... and thankfully, they chose LIFE.  they chose HOPE.  they chose a FUTURE.  And their choice gave way to my choice.

Sometimes a choice is made not with complete understanding or for certain outcomes but in just knowing that it is the right choice.  NOT the EASY choice.  NOT the SAFE choice.  NOT the COMFORTABLE choice.  But the RIGHT CHOICE.

I choose to trust that God knows what is best for me and His ways are always right.  He leads me and keeps me going in the right direction but if I try to take over and steer on my own, I swerve and careen and usually end up crashing from exhaustion for trying so hard at something I am not meant to do.  I just have to keep trusting that He is always working out what's best for me.  He is always for me ... never against me.  

So, despite all of the difficulties that we have encountered with the medical care of Jonah and Rees, I do not ... even a little ... wish that I hadn't found their photos on my laptop, in the darkness of my bedroom, on that winter evening two years ago.  And even though I do, sometimes, fear the "what-ifs" and the unknown future, ... more and more I choose to just keep trusting Him ...
  

Because it was HE that lead us in choosing them.